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Trying to be charming on a first date, not surprisingly, is not always about making the guy be into you as much as you are into him. It’s not always about low-key showing him that you’re perfect for him.
Sometimes, and I should say that I find this to be a more legit reason, it’s about having the upper hand. Before you go ahead and say that it’s not a game, I’m just going to say that it absolutely is.
The first one to be charmed is the last one to have a say in the relationship. The last one to be charmed is the one that gets to choose and decide if things are going to go anywhere.
How to Be Charming On a First Date
Charming someone on a first date is not about being someone that you’re not. It’s about bringing up the best in you when it matters and when it’s appreciated the most. If you want to hang on to the option to say “sure” or “meh”, read on and learn how.
1. Always greet with a smile.
You only have one shot at making a first impression, make it a delightful one. The way you greet someone sets the tone for the rest of the date. To keep things light and ignite all that’s positive in his mind, greet with a huge friendly smile.
2. Assess the current situation.
While you’re checking out the menu, take a second to look over the menu to see his facial expression. You’ll be able to catch him off-guard. His brain is trying to process all that information about you and his face is going to show.
See if he’s anxious or smiling or just too into the menu. This will tell you, respectively, if he’s insecure and worried about messing it up or likes the way things are, or if he’s neutral.
3. Leave an impression.
It’s difficult to observe someone when you’re in direct contact with them. Give him a chance to have a good look at you while you talk to your waiter. Use this opportunity to leave a good impression by talking nicely and politely to your waiter.
4. Touch base.
It’s a lot of work trying to charm someone, especially if you’re not interested. Every ten minutes or so, take a second to ask yourself if he’s worth the trouble and if you should keep going. There’s no point in winning someone over if you’re not attracted to them.
5. Nurture dependence.
We’re going to take a page out of Dennis Reynolds’ book and actually nurture dependence. Try asking him if he wants sugar for his coffee and stirring the cup for him. You can try pouring the water into his glass for him.
Do it naturally and subtly, though. Don’t turn it into a whole “mama and the giant man-baby” thing. These tiny things give the impression that you are nurturing and caring.
6. Get personal without getting personal.
As much as you want to keep things light, you might want to get a little personal. The more vulnerable he is, the more connected he’s going to feel. But you can’t just go ahead and ask someone how it felt when their dad was always away working and their mama was an alcoholic.
You slowly build up with harmless questions like how many siblings he has and “how fun it must be”. Let him unravel without realizing it. If he’s still not giving you anything, bait him just a little bit by making yourself vulnerable and talking about how you miss your mom/BFF/dead dog.
7. Turn monologues into dialogues.
When you let someone talk without interrupting them, they’re more likely to give away too much information. That works great when you’re suspicious of your partner’s fidelity and listening to his explanation. But this is not the right time for that.
On your first date, it’s better to regularly chime in and give feedback to the person to show him that you’re listening and actually interested. It’s not therapy and you’re not taking notes. Make him elaborate, ask follow-up questions, and make jokes.
8. Stay away from slippery slopes.
Your mutual hatred/love towards the president is not a solid foundation for a potential relationship. Stay away from politics and religion for now.
9. Don’t get drunk.
We like to think that alcohol makes us relax and flirtatious. Umm, no! It makes us all gangly and exposed. Getting drunk on the third date is cute, getting drunk on a first date is a red flag!
10. Flirt 2.0.
Twirling your hair on a date is still sexy. But step it up and make it subtle. Make direct eye contact for as long as 10 seconds. Get an imaginary eyelash off his cheek when he’s not expecting it.
“Charming” is extremely subjective. You can be the jolliest in the bunch but some introverts may find that intimidating. You can be the sweetest girl with a bit of mystery to her and some men will find that exhausting. Don’t change who you are for anyone.
At the same time, don’t shy away from going after something you want. Now, if you’re ready for that date, and step up the flirty, see these tips on how to be more feminine.